As I walked into the trenches I heard lots of explosions and gun shots getting fired by the Germans. So I found a place to hide and shot back at them and then my team Joined in. When they stoped firing at us it was lunch time so we set of to the canteen to have cold and slimy food that left me feeling emty inside. After that cold and slimy food I felt very sleepy so I tried to find the driest place but that was Just a miniscule spot. I tried to skweese in but it was just to small. After a long day of perishing wind, ear bracking bombs, lots of letters and heart bracking homesickness, I have finally got to go into the village.
3 Comments
Mr Lockey
20/11/2014 09:47:36 am
Wow Jack, I know you have enjoyed this topic in school and this piece of writing shows clearly how you have learned well and engaged with the topic. I am glad you have ignore the instruction and written more than 5 sentences as this has allowed me to see your writing at it's best so far. Great description and clear punctuation, I loved the use of commas in the final sentence and you are hitting your target by starting sentences with connectives.
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Mr Lockey
20/11/2014 09:49:47 am
Can apologise for my typing error? I meant to type 'ignored' not 'ignore' - even teachers make mistakes! See how I spotted it and corrected it? Try this with any words you think might be wrong in your work.
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Jack Simpson
29/11/2014 04:02:30 am
Well done jack it nearly made me cry when I read it
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AuthorMrs Wilcock Year 3 are looking forward to sharing our fantastic achievements with the world!
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