As I walked into the trenches I saw a man with trench foot and a massive rat. As I walked on and on I smelled putrid mud. I heard the jet black boms exploding like fier worcks in the sky and to stop me from dying I put a gas mask on. The brown sqelchy mud oozed into my thick boots and smelt like a wet dog's nose. 20 days later the bombs stopt exploding and 1 day after it was the Christmas trouce and us and the Germans went out waving wite hances and we played foot ball.
2 Comments
Mr Lockey
20/11/2014 09:38:13 am
Niamh your choice of descriptive language is excellent. I loved the use of 'putrid' and 'oozed' as they really created an image in my mind. There are some words you should be spelling correctly - stopped, fire, white are all words you need to know. Finally can you explain your first sentence? Did the man with trench foot have a massive rat or did you see that afterwards? Think about how you could re write this to make it a little clearer.
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Amelie
1/2/2015 08:19:35 am
Good work Niamh
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