A green frog called Bob was playing with his best friend, a brown horse called Harry. They were playing tag when a huge rain storm washed Bob off the field and Bob and Harry were split up. Harry was very sad that Bob was floating in a stream and he was very scared for Bob. Harry and Bob’s family went to explore the forest and see if they could find his best friend. Bob found a sandy beach with a big pipe and he swam carefully up it and he found the field. Bob could see Harry in the distance and called out to him.
3 Comments
nicola close
10/3/2015 09:08:47 am
Wow I loved your story it was really good EPIC....
Reply
Mrs Skinner (Team100)
15/3/2015 07:27:05 am
This is a jolly story Aaron all about friendship. You have used the words in the prompt well. I get the feeling that the ending might be a bit stronger. We got to the sandy beach / field very quickly and I just think with your imagination it could have been better planned. Hope you don't mind me saying!
Reply
Mrs Sharp// Brighton UK//Team100WC
16/3/2015 12:25:18 pm
What a bubbly story, Aaron! I enjoyed the adventure that Harry and Bob went on. However, you have used their names so much that I can't help but feel you could have got even more description into your story if you had used some pronouns and re-jigged some of the sentences. Keep entering!
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorYear 5 would like to share their amazing work. Archives
March 2018
|