James was a traveller with his horse Edward. One day they came to a swamp; it had dark green sticky water. Deep down at the bottom of the swamp there was a pipe that led to an underground lair! So James and his horse carefully swam their way down the fat, twisting, turning tunnels. It was dark, damp, and gloomy. Before their eyes they saw aliens bouncing towards them on light blue space hoppers. In the background others were building toys and watching TV. Approaching, aliens were offering friendship. Accepting, they shook their slimy green hands. New adventures will begin.
5 Comments
Hi, I realy love the description you have put in, and I love the illiteration. There is no mistakes I can correct you on, however come and read my story, and tell me what's good about it and what can I improve at http://y6pewithall.primaryblogger.co.uk/100wc/the-pyramid-princess/
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Iliana
9/3/2015 02:44:59 am
Wow Well done great job why not check out our blog http://y6pewithall.primaryblogger.co.uk
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Mrs Fairburn (Team 100 WC - England)
15/3/2015 07:05:39 am
Hello Georgia, I enjoyed reading your story. You have used some good vocabulary and description. I particularly liked the alliteration of the twisting, turning tunnels. Perhaps you could describe how the character feels.
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Mrs T (Team 100 WC)
21/3/2015 09:32:11 am
Hello Georgina, what an exciting piece of writing! You have re-read and edited your writing which makes it enjoyable to read. You have used good description and punctuation. I would love to know what happens next.
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